One Podcast to rule them all

Blog 1: One podcast to rule them all

 

The truth is I am shiting myself. 

I left my gainful employment of 15yrs in March 2020. Shortly before a rather bad bout of flu shut the world down, proving once again that I have my finger of the pulse as far as career defining moments go. Going self-employed to pursue life as a writer I was confronted by a blank page in more ways than one. I feel the same again now as I set out to begin this podcast idea I have. 

I mean what am I thinking setting out to start a podcast in 2021, at my age, in this crowded market space?

It takes a certain kind of person to chart their own path in entrepreneurship and even more nuanced breed to pursue life in the creative arts. You must at once be convinced that you have something powerful and fearsome to offer to the world and at the same time be humble enough you are just a mere pup on a long journey to maturity. 

One long night of tossing and turning I was struck by a vision (Yeah, I said it, a vision), it was of two creatures within me that were individual and yet both very much part of the same me.

What came out of me as I jumped out of bed to write it down was even more startling than a vision, it was a something approaching a poem.

Below is what came out of me that night, I hope that some of you can relate to its cry.

 

Awake

I sense him in there, pacing, growling, crying and clawing at the ground.

Both war torn and new born.

Brave and Afraid.

Terrified and fearless.

I sense him in there.

That wise old grizzly bear, that dumb cub.

He paces to and thro, eager to get it over with, a bag of nerves terrified at the thought of the first skirmish.

14 long years have passed. 14 summers and 170 moons have come and gone.

When would it begin? 

Please not yet!

 

The old bear knows himself.

He is going to tear them to fucking pieces. 

It isn’t even fair. 

They will be as helpless children to him. 

He will smash them against the rocks. 

He will bite through their skulls as if he were biting through the shell of egg. 

He will not notice their strongest blows. His old thick skin will be as iron to them, all their weapons will break upon it. 

 

His scars are a map to an easy victory.

 

He will punish them for even coming near to him.

His anger burns that they would entertain any contact with him.

How dare they!

He has set himself against their whole kind now.

He will do such damage to them that they will never rise again. 

When he is finished, they will never speak his name again. He will become a vile myth whispered in fear by parents to their children to keep them in line. 

His real name will be banned, those able to speak it exiled from society.

I sense him in there, pacing, growling, clawing at the ground. 

The wise old bear.

 

The young cub is full of fear.

Insecure.

They are going to tear him to pieces. 

It isn’t even fair. 

He will be as helpless as a child to them. 

They will overcome him without a single grain of effort. He knows nothing of the world and even less of battle. He longs to play again and be away from days like these.

They will punish him for even coming near to them.

Who am I that should even approach them?

I know nothing, I am nothing!

How dare I!

Hide.

Quiet.

Hold your breath.

Don’t even move.

Stick to the little you know.

 

I sense him in there, pacing, growling, crying and clawing at the ground.

That wise old grizzly bear, that dumb cub.

 Awake now, never again to sleep.

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Reflections on Episode 2 & 3